Loved by parents … but not affirmed – Phyllis R.

For many years Phyllis heard her parents say “we love you” but almost never did she hear the uplifting words of affirmation such as: “Good job”, “We’re proud of you”, “What you did brought honor to our family”, “You served the Lord with a servant’s heart and people noticed this”. Ouch! The lack of these simple statements of affirmation crushed Phyllis until she went for deliverance ministry and the issues of godly love, affirmation, rejection, shame, hurt, bitterness and not being accepted came to the light.

Phyllis was in her mid-50’s when she began to “sense” that something was missing in her life. She was a child who never received the “Father’s Blessing” promoted by Frank Hammond (Pigs in the Parlor author). Her relationship with her parents was so-so. She loves them but was deeply hurting and did not realize what was happening to her inner being. In deliverance ministry she was encouraged to seek the Lord, truly forgive her parents, and release the hurt, shame, rejection and bitterness that had built up inside her soul. She began to see her attitude towards the Lord was not good. She actually had let bitterness and resentment build up towards God whom she felt should have corrected and changed her parents. This problem flowed over into her marriage and caused some relationship issues with her husband.

An important revelation occurred during deliverance ministry: Her parents could not give something to her they had not received from their parents. She saw the generational issues coming clear. She quit blaming her parents and began to see clearly how these things work in the spiritual realm.

A person cannot give what they do not have. Over time Phyllis began to develop a true godly love for her parents, learned to choose to forgive them completely, and pray for the Lord to bless them with truth in all areas. Her life took on new meaning. The relationship with her parents did change, as she was able to talk with them about her hurts in a non-threatening way. She went to them and told them how their lack of affirmation had hurt her deeply. She had forgiven them and asked the Lord to forgive them, and to forgive her.

Many parents, when confronted with the issue of love and affirmation go into denial and become defensive. Phyllis is truly blessed for they are both believers who sought the Lord, confessed their lack of affirmation and repented. Now all three are working towards spiritual maturity and a happy relationship. Many situations do not work out this way but the hurting person must continue to forgive the parents and pray for them to see the truth and repent. Bitterness and resentment have no place in the life of a true believer.

Are you loved? Are you affirmed? There is hope through deliverance ministry.

Always remember that God is love and each person is truly loved by HIM.